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COMMUNICATIONS
WITH DEITY
2002_07_04
[during the pregnancy with
Moving&Evolving Emotions Manual]
Dearest SpiritMotherHeartBody
I've created the space of 3 days to emerge from my new chaos.
What I understand are the following points:
Feeling what there is to feel,
or feelingmovinghealing
has to be interwoven with "intuition",
i.e. the constant contact with you or with my Higher Self
to guide me towards fulfilling my Desire.
I invited the experiences like the Polish past-Holocaust movie and
the "Flash" disk which makes it clear even to my blocked mind,
how with the help of this program
I can add movement, change color and size,
and transform a heart into a circle.
The feeling of
frustration about incompletion
has to be brought into perspective by remembering,
that Creation itself is incomplete and will be so forever,
as you said ("never perfect, always evolving")
also that Godchannel's info is not only cut
off and incomplete,
but even made promises, that are not kept
It's the time
to k.i.s.s.,
to keep it simple, sweetheart,
"tafasta muat - tafasta"
[an ancient Jewish proverb: If you grabbed
a lot - you haven't grabbed it,
If you grabbed a little - you grabbed it"]
I desire
that my mind and creation will not be ahead of my living any longer.
This means first of all, that I'll not trap my will
by creating this product while forcing myself to work.
No wonder, that the product - phantastic as it may be - is ahead of what I'm
able to live.
And when it's ahead of ME, it's above the heads of my children-in-love and
everyone else.
I therefore desire
that all my springs and rivers will now merge into one clearflowing stream,
motivating, accessable, applicable for my children-in-love.
No wonder, I was not "received"
so far.
Who was I?
A gap between my high-flying, though hard-earned understanding
and my existence as a worm crawling in the suffering of my day and of God's
creation.
How should anyone receive my depression
in the light of Healing-k.i.s.s.?
Aren't my expression and my depression incompatible, like Picasso's art and
Picasso's life?
But then the aim is not - as I judged and tortured myself -
to prove the rightness of my understanding
by the FACTS of my way of life and state of health .
I don't have to prove anything to
anyone, not even to myself.
If I feel this gap as painful, it comes to teach me,
what direction of evolution I want to take.
And the direction now is:
to slow down even much much much more,
and to fine-tune my FeelingIntuitionThinkingSensing much more,
and to create Healing-k.i.s.s. in stride with this keeping to the ground.
When my bicycle was stolen, it opened
the horizon for my path.
Still I'm walking and working on it alone, day by day, step by step.
Even after the work is done,
maintenance will never stop.
So part of my effort is given to maintenance
and part to extending the path.
I was cut off and never came back to get a response.
2013-10-08
I
returned to this page - probably for the first time since July 2002
- when I put "depression" in my Search, in order to insert a link, the link to a song, which I heard before but which now touched me: Idan Imadi sings with the author of the song , Shuli Rand  The image is taken from Shuli Rand's own performance, but his being often off-key is unbearable for me. "Sunday, the 37th day, finally allowed for rest. But with the relaxation after so much tension, a deep depression took over. Once an all too familiar "guest", depression means, that I just want to NOT BE. Since dying is not an option and death is an illusion, depression is always coupled with anger: 'Why is it not possible to simply not exist?" " I am so immensely grate-full, that I have been freed from this monster.... |
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