The Purpose  of   HEALING - K.i.s.s.
as stated 12 years ago - was and is
to help me and my potential PEERS
to HEAL ourselves
into WHOLEness,
and - as holograms -
all of Creation!
Intro to Healing-K.i.s.s. 2001-2013
and Overview of its main libraries
[If you look for a word
on this page,
click ctrl/F
and put your word in "FIND"]
I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a   pioneer of  Evolution  in  learning  to  feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I want you to feel everything, every little thing!"


Christe Eleison - Beethoven, Missa Solemnis

pp37 Gaps and
the Eruption of Gapped Rage&Terror
See also pp27 and pp36

In 2008 I discovered, that "popups" are no longer popular and "Internet Explorer" has restricted my webpage from running them
I, therefore, insert the content of the popup "GAPS and GAPPED" which I created - and linked to - in 2001-2002, above this puzzle-piece


Cain&Hevel

 

2001_10_05 ; last update: 2011_11_05

 

Maryam, 2001/11/17; last update: 2002_10_15

It took me a long time
to understand these terms
"gaps" and "gapped".
And I understand them only when they appear in some contexts,
and don't understand them in other contexts.

But I'm always smiling,
when I see people with T-shirts
featuring the letters
GAP.
And I always remember the warning of the person,
responsible for the safety of passengers on the London subway:
"Watch the gap! watch the gap!"

I do understand,
that "gapping off" means to disconnect myself from my feelings.
I also understand,
that gapped rage and gapped terror
are rage and terror that I am not aware of,
not just rage and terror triggered by a certain event,
but an ocean of rage and terror,
that is totally cut off from my consciousness.

But I don't understand, for instance,
what God said to me in his response
to my question about Judgment Release:
[see pp6 ; 2001_12_31]
"The time to release judgments is not
when you get so near the Gap
that you can't think straight."

Until I get more understanding,
I'll phrase this popup reminder:

The gap is the empty space or void,
between my accepted, conscious feelings
and my denied or gapped-off feelings.

These gaps are openings for the asuras,
which cause havoc, i.e. the evil,
which my conscious self never intended.

 

Maryam, 2001/12/26

I was glad, when I reached the above understanding,
but now, especially after rereading God's response to me,
I see, that "gap" and "gapped" has a much larger meaning.
When shall I understand, so I can apply it to my healing?

 

Maryam, 2002_04_28; last update: 02_05_28

 

The main content of World News is how and how many people are murdered.
Daily, by the hour.
Even I have become indifferent.
But these two events touched me,
each separately and especially in their coincidence.
The teachers/pupils massmurder
in the Gutenberg Highschool in Erfurt/Germany
and
the child/woman/man murder in bedrooms and streets
in Adora/Occupied Palestine.

            

All the Israeli tanks in the streets of Palestinian refugee camps
could not avoid the killing of a little girl hiding under her bed.
"It only means, that terror is not yet eradicated",
was all, an Israeli spokesman had to say.

A Palestinian murderer broke into the bedroom of a mother
wounding a baby and killing a girl the age of my grandchild Yael.
Another intruded into the house of a woman,
who had just returned from her nightshift in an old people's home.
Two men were killed on the street.

Let me tell you here my grief, but let me remove the sculpture of my rage to an appendix.
I'll share my grief on the background of the photo I now took while "mowing my path".
The village "the Maccabeans" was erected on both sides of the border between Israel/Ismael.

"A voice was heard in Ramah,
lamentation and bitter weeping
Rachel is weeping for her children.
And she refuses to be comforted
for her children, because they are not."

I still cry, when I sing this song, or even when I now translated it.
It was in 1961, in Jerusalem, during the Eichman trial. A witness told:
The Germans wanted to watch women giving birth.
They put them on the cold floor.
The newborns died immediately.
The mothers were gassed later.
This specific story, which I've retold hundreds of times, makes me sob even now.
When I returned to the students' hostel that night
and my Israeli roommate - Shulamit Richter - saw me totally broken,
she said: "You should be called Rachel!"
And with her deep, beautiful voice she sang this song.
When - 3 years later - I became Jewish, I exchanged the name Christa for Rachel ~~

There is another tune to the Biblical words in Jeremiah 31, sung by Ra'ayah, my daughter-in-love,
which includes the comforting part.
So far I have been unable to remember this comforting part, neither the text nor the tune.

Thus says YHWH, refrain your voice from weeping,
and your eyes from tears.
For there is a reward for your work, says YHWH,
and they shall return from the land of the enemy.
There is hope for your end, says YHWH,
and your children shall return to their "gevul" = border or territory.

 

And now there, in the country, the nation, the religion,
where I was born 3 months before the 'Crystal Night',
the first public pogrom in Nazi Germany, 1938_11_09:

the biggest massmurder since World War II, they say.
Robert Steinhaeuser, 19, broke into his former school
killing 14 teachers, 2 pupils, a policeman and himself.

Not a "foreign" enemy,
as Israel perceives occupied and humiliated Ismael,
though both believe they are both children of Abraham.
[Only in "June-July 2011" I learnt a song about this belief, SG 2007_11_27: "IF"]

Not even one of the "foreign" laborers from a poor country,
   whose "eradication" is the goal of the French elections' star.

Not even one of the notorious criminals,
whom a huge system of 'justice' and jails
has been trying to 'eradicate' since ages.

He was just a kid, 19 years old, expelled from school,
another Cain who felt he wasn't received, esteemed.

"I'm not worth anything. I'm nothing",
was the Cain-Pain hidden under his blaming rage.

He killed himself,
so there is no one
against whom the security forces can march,
no person or nation,
on whom to project people's rage and terror.


Murderer Robert Steinhaeuser, expelled pupil     ERFURT    Memorial for 14 teachers and 2 pupils: "WHY"

WHY?

 

I need to move not only my grief, but also my "apocalyptyic" fury
before I'll be able to become parental to these daily world events.

In all the five languages I know and the additional four I once learnt
there is not a word strong enough to depict the quantity and quality
of the stupidity & foolishness that is dictating the anti-terror policy.

Nor is their a word for the dumbness and helplessness of the Wise,
all those gathering in governmental committees and TV talkshows,
feverishly implementing some "better" laws and procedures
to fight the violence in schools.
One dissident voice I heard - from a German psychiatrist woman
tried to make the Wise at least aware of the dynamics in a class:
"It's not the black sheep alone who causes the troubles.
It's often exactly the so-called good and decent pupils
who have a heinous part
in marking a kid as the scapegoat."

But even this observation is a far cry from the simple answer
implied in the ancient Biblical story,
mentioned ever so often in that talkshow but not understood:
The parable of Cain&Hevel

The same answer - more explicit, more elaborate - is implied in:

 

THE MOTHER TRIES TO SHOW ME HOW IT FEELS

"... I felt a creeping self-loathing
for the wrong that I felt was in Me...

"The more I approached Him without feeling received,
the more unattractive and undesirable I felt
and the more my self-loathing grew. ...
...I would feel unequal
... I would hang My head in shame

"I had a miserable self-image already...

"I did not know then
that I could have solved a lot of these problems
by just moving My rage and terror.
...

"No matter how loving your Father appeared to be,
I knew at the feeling level
when my expression was too much for him.
I could feel Him pull away
even when it was imperceptible to Him
and He claimed He was not doing it.




"Denial
had Me fearing for a long time
that I was paranoid,
but I was not.
The Will can feel this;
infants can feel this.

"Mosts problems have arisen
because the Will needs acceptance it is not getting.

The repression
[i.e. our pattern or imprint of suppressing undisirable feelings, urges or memories]
falls back then, overwhelmed,
but overwhelmed only for as long as it takes
to build enough forces

When going ahead with action
didn't bring Me the experiences I wanted,
I tried not to move again.

When emotional expression did not bring Me a feeling of acceptance,
I tried not to move again.

I usually didn't move again
until I couldn't hold back anymore.
...
I was manifesting the extremes

that the presence of a gap
always manifests.

I've been doing this forever, until now,

I'm not sure where balance is,
except that I feel like I will know it when I get there.

 

 

 

p.93






We had many gaps in Us from the beginning.
The Four of Us were as gapped from One another
as a leaky ship that has been hit by cannon fire.
We weren't very sea worthy, and therefore,
We unfolded a very gapped Creation.
It does not matter what the vision was;
Creation never reached it...



Then the Mother asks God to take over and tell about Heart's part.
This chapter is called significantly:



......
"This is the stuff that gaps are made of,
and not something that is going to be reversed easily
because of the many imprints ... that say
spontaneous expression of feelings is unloving
and an impossible way to proceed.

 

 

"As the cosmic balancing principles
always have a turn-around point
when imbalance goes too far,
soon it will be impossible to proceed
without allowing emotional expression.

 



"As you have seen in the micro what happens
when some people cannot hold back their emotions anymore,
so you will soon see in the macro
if no other way is found
to relieve the pressure in the emotional body

 

 

A week later, 2002_05_05


 

Maryam, 2002_05_05

Mother, when I banged the door because of my stupidity
and ran down the stairs and up your hill and back home,
I heard you saying with a smile:

"I played a trick on you, didn't I, by deleting that photo!"

Yes, I wanted to exacerbate my sarcasm
about the World's NOT-UNDERSTANDING,
[expressed in my compositions of Adora-Erfurt images]
by a photo from another city, far away from Israel/Ismael
- El Salvador, meaning "the Savior" -
that showed how the Saviors burnt Israel's flag on May Day.
But I made a mistake in saving (Savior!) and the photo is gone.
I wanted the Peru naiveness to be reflected in the El Salvador viciousness.


"You rage at so many people's belief,
that Israel will be SAVED from terrorists
if only "evil" and the guilty will be "eradicated",
never mind how many innocents are being sacrificed for this."

Yes, and Israel is not even admitting the so obvious reasons for terror
in its own behavior of occupying, dominating, humiliating a sister nation.

"And you rage at so many people's belief
that the World will be SAVED from killers
if only people would live the love demonstrated by the self sacrificing Savior."

Yes and those people under the cross are not even aware of the CainPain,
that is denied in most and therefore bursts forth in a kid who is part of us.

"You cannot even remove your fury at an appendix, as you promised.
Let go of the sarcasm, but go with the fury.
Breathe it, Scream it, Dance it
Just remember that you too are projecting.
And what you are so furious about is reflecting a non-wholeness in you too."

 

Maryam, 2002_05_04 ; last update 2002_05_27

Now they are preaching "Mitmenschlichkeit",
"being human with each other".

Love and joy is the natural way of being.
It cannot be and must not be preached.
I can see it, if I let myself see and feel it,
when the four little ones are here.
Every now and then one comes around,
or jumps on me, saying: "I love you",
they grip the angle of my body closest to them,
hug me tightly for a moment and go back to play.

But if the fountain of spontaneity is blocked,
by unmoved Cain&Hevel   pain&rage&fear,
neither love nor joy nor creativity can flow.
Too often I myself don't see and don't enjoy,
because of patterns and holes.
How much more does this apply to people
with an overwhelming Cain inside of them.

Not love has to be preached,
but self loathing has to be healed.
"I'm not worth anything, I'm nothing",
this is the one issue, that should be addressed now.
Even if it seems,
as it seems to me today,
that no one can help anyone else,
to heal her/his self-hatred.
[November 5, 2011 - today this seems to me to be an even greater predicament than ever...]

See pp7, 2002_05_27
....
A Niagara of tears. And they run again now.
One - small - hole was the CainPain in me:
My gift of causing her to see her beauty
was not only discarded, but maligned.

But the gaping, abysmal hole was this:

"If you, you, you hate yourself so much,
that you cannot believe the beauty you see,
then there is no hope and no help for anyone.

"I told you about the intense pleasure I felt
when I was watching you for a whole hour,
while you were reporting I's present saga.

"But there is just no remedy to self-hatred.
Which means, there is no remedy for Cain,
which means, there is no hope for the world."

What could we do, but hold each other
...



 

Maryam, 2002_05_28

Exactly a month ago I started this healing work on
~~~~
my apocalyptic rage against the Anti-Terror policy.

In the latest suicide bombing, yesterday,
there were "only" two Israeli Jews killed :
a grandmother and her grandchild baby .
But at Deir Yassin, 1949_04_09,
there were probably also
grandmothers and baby grandchildren.
When I was a German scholarship student in Jerusalem in 1960/61,
Ilse Strauss, the aunt of my future husband, Rafael Rosenzweig, told me:
"My son was among those who had to do the cleaning-up at Deir Yassin.
When he came back, in utter revulsion, he said:
'Mother, we now hate those Jewish terrorists as much as we hate the Nazis'!"
I sob and I sob and can never stop.

The grief stays, but the rage subsided.
My intense work during these 30 days
was rewarded by an event of consolation.
The appearance of our Sarit Hadad
at the Eurovision 2002,
not appreciated by the voting masses,
obviously "for political reasons",
but deeply soothing for me.
I'll sculpt this solace in the Sound Puzzle Piece.

Maryam, 2002_05_30

I returned
to my communication with the mother
about bringing this lesson to an end.
But I don't find wholeness with this work.
Most of all I'm afraid of the consequences of my stern decision,
to not delete my expressions of rage.
What if visitors don't differentiate
between expressions of feelings
and my direction of thinking and acting?
What if they take it at face value and even act on it
as people did with Saint Paul's rage against the Jews,
a WRATH which had become the HOLY WRIT??

2002_10_15
Ingrid from Indonesia weeps
as she waits to identify a body
thought to be her missing
British husband
Karen and her fiance in New York
frantically search to book a new trip.
The couple, to be married this week,
had planned their honeymoon in Bali.
An Indonesian trader yawns
during a slow trading day
at the Jakarta Stock Exchange
Stocks have plummeted in the capital

The Eruption of Rage in the form of terror-acts
is becoming more and more frequent
and in the most unlikely locations,
like in a mall in Finland and in a nightclub in Bali/Indonesia.
where bomb blasts killed at least 183 people,
mostly young Westerners.
Ever escalating retaliation from the Israeli army,
ever tightened security measures around the world,
[Bush yesterday: "no one is secure anymore anywhere"],
ever louder promises from the mouth of State leaders:
"We shall eradicate this evil from the world!"
cannot hide the total impotence of everyone,
including those rational analysts,
who know the exterior reasons
for the hatred of the Third World against the West.

A woman mourns during a vigil for victims of a bomb blast
on a beach near Kuta on the Indonesian resort island of Bali.

An Indonesian woman
places a candle
in front of
the Australian embassy
in Jakarta
Indonesia linked
the al Qaeda network
to the Bali bomb explosions

Many among the killed
were from Australia,
a country so far spared
from terror

 


"Ein bisschen Frieden", "A Little Peace", the German song which won the Eurovision Song Test in 1982
See Song-Game 2007
This is a recording of my singing and my son Immanuel's playing during a Shabbat togetherness in 1982,


 

Back to 70 Puzzle Pieces Guide       which helps me to learn and to live that   "God has evolved"


.pplist PUZZLE  PIECES GUIDE 2001-2002
         .pplistpreface -Preface to Puzzle Pieces Guide
.pp1 - Driving backward
.pp1b-Driving Backward to Retrieve Goodness
.pp2 - Peer Companions
.pp2b- Peer Companions
.pp3 - Moving Emotions
.pp4 - Identifying Triggers
.pp5 - Trapping Will
.pp6 - Releasing Judgments
.pp6b-Releasing Judgments
.pp7 - Total Self-Acceptance
.pp8 - Understanding and Choosing Experience
.pp9 - Body the Master Healer of Creation
.pp10 -Denial of Will
.pp10b-How God started to feel and to deny
.pp11 - All of Creation
.pp12 - The Goal: To become Parental and Whole
.pp13 - Feel all there is to Feel
.pp14 - God's and my Will and Desire
.pp15 - Guilt&Blame are the same
.pp16 - Reality reflects Denial
.pp16b- Reality reflects Judgments
.pp17 - How I learnt Moving Emotion Techniques
.pp17b- Moving Emotions: Sound
.pp17bb-Sound + 17bbNote: Heart
.pp17c- Moving Emotions: Breath
.pp17d- Moving Emotions: Body Movement
.pp17e- "Releasing" Emotions
                  or Moving & Evolving them?
.pp18 - Good and Bad
.pp19 - Body's Illness and Aging
.pp19b -Body's Death
.pp20 - Everyone a Hologram
.pp21 - Oneness and Duality
.pp21b-Fragments and Fragmentation
.pp22- Perception and Projection
.pp23 - Loving Hearts' Denials
.pp24 - Lucifer and Ahriman
.pp25 - Denial Spirits and Asuras
.pp26 - Redeeming Lost Will
.pp26b- Redeeming Lost Spirit
.pp27 - Movement of Lost Will
.pp28 - No overriding, no letting override
.pp28b- No overriding, no letting override
.pp29 - Reclaiming my Power
.pp30 - Unconditional Love
.pp31 - Sacrifice what you don't want
.pp32 - Doing the Healing Work
.pp33 - Greatness and Grandeur
.pp33b-Reflection of Denied Greatness & Power
.pp34 - Communication with Deity
.pp35 - Following Will's and Body's Lead
.pp36 - September 11, 2001
.pp37 - Gaps and Eruption of Gapped Rage & Terror
.pp38 - Unconsciousness, Amnesia
.pp39 - Deity and Manifestation
.pp39b -The Process of Manifestation and Creation
.pp40 - Cease Creating New Manifestations!
.pp41 - I Create my own Reality
.pp42 - Victim and Perpetrator
.pp43 - Self-Victimization
.pp44 - No one needs Correction or Punishment
.pp45 - I need you to feel how I feel
.pp46 - Love&Light&Joy&Peace???
.pp47 - Mary and The Mother
.pp48 - Rage and Terror
.pp48b -FEAR
.pp49 - Ego
.pp50 - "Let Consciousness Serve Sentience!"
.pp51 - "Laughter - the Final Stage of Healing"
.pp52 - Loving and Healing Sexually
.pp53 - JOY
.pp54 - Light's Way to Dwell in Hell
.pp55 - Heaven on Earth