I focus my experiencing and awareness on being
"a pioneer of Evolution
in learning to feel":
I let my Body vibrate and my Heart 'womb'
pain, shame, fear, boredom, powerlessness,
so feelings can >heal >guide>fulfill>evolve,
and ~~~ offer ~~~"goldmines"~~~ to us all!!
"I
want you to feel everything, every little thing!"
K.I.S.S. -
L O G 2
0 0 8
Keep It Simple Sweetheart
April
20/ NISAN 15, Sunday, first day of PESACH, still 120 days
- between Kfar
Vradim and Acco
and Shoham Parting from my obsession to complete
this page--- not yet
Know exactly what you want, communicate clearly what you want,
then get out of the way, live and play, and let happen what
may!
8:20 written by
hand, copied to the computer at 21:40 I desire to cause all the people
with whom I'll be today to love themselves more
and from this self-love to radiate joy and excitement on each
other.
I desire that traveling south in the eveing will be as smooth
as yesterday's traveling north.
image
of the day:
In the edition of the
Pesach-Hagada,
from which Avi and I read,
my eyes were drawn
to this sentence: "Yesterday we were slaves and
today we are free,
in haste we went
out of Egypt
"
hodayot [thanksgivings] for
today 8:35 written by hand, copied
at 21:50
My Body, my Partner,
my God I give thanks to you for having tolerated
the lack of movement
forced on you by riding for 3 hours in a car.
I give thanks to our voice and our talent for dramatic gesturing,
which blended in with Efrat's singing and Mika's delighted
clapping.
I'm grate-full for the song "On
a high Hill", the transformed "Had Gadya",
which I begged E. to insert into the boring, annoying traditional
Hagada,
and which made her bring with her the copies of the song-pages, prepared by her and Immanuel for
our Seder last year,
and intersperse the songs into her father's Hagada-reading
in a balanced way.
I am grate-full that this made not only our family happy,
but also Avi Levi (32), father Shalom (Miryam's brother) &
mother Sylvia,
as well as Miryam&Victor, Efrat's parents & Meme,
her grandmother (86)
I'm grate-full to Mirjam who did all the cooking, and for
the 2 dresses,
as well as for the two dresses bought especially for me by
Immanuel&Efrat.
I am grate-full for the fascinating story about Josef Miyara,
Meme's father,
called the "Ben-Gurion" of Morocco because of his
Zionism,
and his death a week before Ben-Gurion in December 1973
[& burial in Tiberias, close to Rachel, Rabbi Aqiba's
wife ] 12 years after his immigration to Israel
at the age of 79.
I am grate-full to Ann, Dina's daughter, for giving me her
room & bed,
and the book I found there: Jim
Hougan, The Magdaline Cipher 2001, with the motto:"Events
seem to be ordered into an ominous logic!"
Again, there
is no time to write anything about this day. Sunday, April 20, the first day of Pesach
But when it will be the turn for today's photos on K.i.s.s.-Log, see from Sunday,
April 27 onward
they will finetune into the experiences -
which again were all joyful! there were no lessons!
When Jews click glasses with wine together,
they say "le-hayim" ,
for life I have no idea, where Mika picked up this
habit, but it was long before she could talk.
She expanded the habit to every situation, where two similar things
appeared,
like similar shoes, or similar toys, or similar food etc.
In each case she takes thing number one, approaches the person with
thing number two
clicks at it and says: "le-hayim".
What was more natural than taking advantage of the two cousins who
bathed her
and teach them to click together the three plastic cups, which
are always in her bath-tub. 'shalosh (3) - arba' (4) ~~~~ le-hayim!
The threefold "le-hayim"
of the three girls was more than exhilarating,
it was an expression of "Heaven-on-Earth"!
This time the girls succeed in placing
the diaper without tearing it
Unlike
when her mother feeds her on her baby-chair,
Mika sits with us on a heightened chair
and cooperates perfectly with our ritual: Nobody starts to eat before everybody
has blessed
Yes, she even seems to understand what blessing is about.
The others ask her: "what do you bless, Mika,
for what do you say thanks!"
And she mentions something connected with food or water.
She is delighted by the way, we let the (quite artificial) maple-syrup
spiral on the pancake : "gam ani rotzah spirala",
I, too, want a spiral
Again an elating sight:
they read together the book,
as she does every evening
with her parents.
Arnon is still enjoying his
Pfannkuchen.
Usually, the children do not get up from the table,
until everybody has finished,
and they definitely don't start a new activity,
while one is still eating as Arnon is here.
But since Mika was so tired,
we proceeded with the "ritual",
- reading the story of her choice -
before we all brought her to bed,
sang "Laila tov" and received,
each one in turn,
her "dandushit", a touch on our noses.
I enjoy
the change of expression
in each of the faces
from image to image
I prepared the bedding for the Four -
which demanded not only physical planning and working,
but relating wisely to the only "conflict of interests" in
those 27 days.
Last time Itamar and Ayelet had asked to sleep on the comfy extendable
couch in the corner called "the studio",
while Yael slept on the sofa in the living-room, with Arnon being to
conent himself with a bed of blankets on the floor.
I wanted them to solve the conflict among themselves.
But both Arnon and Yael are too lenient to stand up against the two
younger ones.
Time and again I have to make them aware, that their leniency is drawing
out the others' tyranny..
With massive pressure on my part, though no direct dictate, Itamar finally
agreed to sleep on the sofa,
and Ayelet 'lowered" herself as much as being ready to sleep on
the floor provided I would bring yet another blanket.
At least for the time being......
I left the dishes to themselves and did, what I'd never have done,
if it hadn't been the last episode of the only series I've been watching
for 8 Wednesdays:
The 4400.
When I returned to the Four, I found them like this:
Ayelet reporting to Efrat , for the fifth time or so , how we were
doing,
and at the same time wildly intermingling with her three peers
When I had "put them to bed",
I had still one hour of al-one-ness.
But alas - at 23:30 Ayelet
appeared in my door frame weeping
as only Ayelet knows how to weep: "I long for Imma", said
the almost 10 year-old,
who is the best among us in writing SMS messages.
I took her on my lap
- something she would never agree to in "normal"
situations,
not even when she was 2 years old.
Soon enough her caring peers, Yael and Arnon, appeared too
and tried to radiate or even express comfort.
When nobody had a solution (see
the huge drama in Full-Moon-Full-fill-ment last August),
she suggest in a miserably whining tone: "Maybe, if I would sleep next to
Arnon, it would help....!"
But then I had an intuition,
that all this was and has always been the kind of manipulation
of which only this genius child is capable.
Mika, obviously a genius too, is teaching me,
since her manipulations are still more transparent.
["Abba I'll make you a braid!"
intending: "Let me sit on your shoulders already
now and not only on our way home!"
or: "Imma, there won't be any holes
in my teeth" intending: "Give me a sweet now and not only
...." ]
I sent the older ones away, and when
they were out of hearing,
I told her bluntly: "Ayelet, you may not be aware of
it,
but I'm telling you, you are manipulating me!
You didn't truly accept the agreement about where everyone would
sleep."
"No, no, no", more
whining. "Aren't you sometimes sleeping at
a friend's house?"
"Yes",
"And when at a friend's house, or at Yael's and Itamar's
house,
are you longing for Imma?"
"No".
"And last time, when you slept on the couch next to Itamar,
not next to Arnon, did you cry for Imma?"
"No!"
"So you can see, that only the fact that you didn't get
the upper hand,
made you 'long for Imma'."
Of course I did not throw her into
the mud of either self-blame or denial.
I used the chance of boosting her self-esteem
by making her aware of her greatness. "Nobody of us could have invented
that magnificent idea of the "Five Hands".
You have such talents,
and it's about time that you become aware of your vocation on
this planet.
The three main actors in your drama have invited you into each
of their's
as a harsh teacher.
But you have a goal of your own, something which you want to
create,
and it's time that you focus your energy on what this is meant
to be.
get out of the role of a baby, when it suits you to play a baby,
and become who you are: Ayelet Rosenzweig!
And now: you'll sleep on the floor, either in Mika's room or
in mine." She chose the latter.
The next morning, Thursday, April 17
About 8 o'clock in the morning I heared Mika
calling: "savta, savta!"
and felt great joy about this.
I was sure, that when waking up she would terribly long for her mother,
and probably not even remember that I was there to replace her.
But it was, as if she wanted to play the opposite role of Ayelet.
I slipped silently out of my room so as not to wake up the latter.
But though Ayelet is an owl, - reads a book late into the night and
has a hard time getting up in the morning,
she had already invaded the couch where Arnon and Yael were still
sleeping,
when I came out with Mika.
So I let Mika join the three, and for a little while it seemed as
if all four had gone back to sleep:
When I had prepared Mika's bottle,
she wanted to see the TV kids' program
as every morning,
the girls joined her,
while Itamar tried to go on sleeping.
Ayelet was ready to calm Efrat
by sending another SMS
about how Mika was doing.
Since Mika was now on holiday, I decided to
give more impetus to weaning her from diapers.
Of course, having a book, two cousins and a dog for company, makes
sitting on the toilet fun!
Itamar, in the meanwhile, experiments with self-portraits
More of
the experiences&images of the 27 hours with the Quintet
- see tomorrow
