Our favorite channeled material
is the Right Use of Will series of books~~~
[see the end of
The Quest for the Mother about the connection between Godchannel
and RUOW]
RightUseofWill.com
(And btw, Jonathan
Author's CD, There is a Garden is amazing music.)
HealingToWholeness.com
is a site by some of the
Channelers
with helpful information and practices
for the healing work,
much of it based on the GodChannel material.
Another site by some of the channelers still [August
12, 2010] under construction is HealingToWholeness.org
Emotional
Movement Network
is a promising new social network/community site
for people wanting to connect with others
who are using the Right Use of Will and GodChannel material
in their lives.
A graphically intense [formerly: "beautiful"]
and very personal site
exploring the GodChannel and Right Use of Will material is
Healing Kiss.
Another excellent site,
especially for feeling into the healing work from the Mother's
perspective is
CyQuest.
[She
tells the story, how her mother - and through her she herself
- found "Re-evaluation Counseling"
through Harvey
Jackin's book "The Human Side of Human Beings"]
Henrik Rosenø has written an interesting and provocative
text
based on the Right Use of Will and GodChannel material,
The
Transformation.
[there is no image on this page,
nor on the author's other pages,
like on "Both
men and women can experience 2 fundamentally different types of
orgasm"
I hate it, when people - or God - talk in the manner of "you",
preaching, teaching,
instead of "I", learning, healing, suffering, loving,
living!]
Krow Fischer's fun site is Here
on Earth.
Damon Toth
has written a book based on the Right Use of Will and GodChannel
material,
As Above,
So Below.
See more about Damon Toth below.
If you know of any other sites we might
like, please let
us know.
2010_04_07:
The following link is no longer mentioned in the
original
Another great site with channeled material
from the perspective of Heart is NewHeart.ca.
Lovers
(and there a link to
the image to the right: Heart
and Soul
By the way, half a day ago
I discovered a site
with nine "gigantic hearts" on the planet
and wondered where on Healing-K.i.s.s. I should put the
link!
Here it is: Gigantic
Hearts from Above
A beautiful heart-shaped,
tree covered island can be found
in Patagonia, Argentina,
and is best viewed from the East side of Gutierrez Lake.
See the island on Google
Maps here. |
 |
January 31, 2009
I like Damon Toth - he was a
comfort for me during the time the Godchannel Forum functioned
,
and setting up this page "links" today, which strangely
was missing in my "Edited Godchannel" folder,
was prompted by the result of putting in "Google-Search"
just the terms: "Damon Godchannel".
I didn't remember, that his name was Damon Toth,
though I had discovered the same page about his books in 2007,
had even written to him, but not received an answer.
And why did I hit upon Damon in the first place?
He appeared, when - first thing on this Shabbat morning - I put
"paradise" in Godchannel>Navigator
There weren't many entries to be found, and it was only natural
that I opened one who quoted "Luana":
"and God Will make sure that
He is there
in our future paradise home
and some day all of the wounds of this life (these tragic lives)
will finally be healed
and there will be laughter
and There will be joy filled reunions"
Luana's poste was
included In a thread begun by Damon!
Moreover - his poste was based
on his identification with "Christa-Rachel"
and the way she - I - was "treated" by some participants
in the Godchannel Forum.
I was so gladly surprised, that I decided to read and edit the
entire thread, started by Damon's poste.
See below : "Rage at the Will"!
But after having indulged - for hours - in
remembering Damon,
whom I then, in the year 2000, had imagined as being one of those
hidden "peers",
for whom I kept and keep yearning and longing so much,
I went back to the beginning: the urge to put "paradise"
in Godchannel's Navigator!
I actually jumped up from bed to do so,
after I had rehearsed ever so many delicious details of last night's
Iranian movie-composition,
provided by 3SAT in the frame of a week about Iran.
Though the hour - Israel time - was too late for me,
I'm grate-full to Body for having supported me in letting myself
be fascinated for 2 full hours,
in order to see "Colors of Paradise" and two short films:
"Hidden Voices" and "The silent Companion".
Not only did I delight in these exceptional artistic creations,
but my prejudices and ignorance towards Iran were simply wiped
away.
Since there was so much Feeling and Sensing in these films,
I want to remind myself by a few images at least from "The
Color of Paradise"!
| "The
Color of Paradise" is a fable of
a child's innocence and a complex look at faith
and humanity. Visually magnificent and wrenchingly
moving, the film tells the story of a boy whose
inability to see the world only enhances his ability
to feel its powerful forces.
At an institute for blind children in Tehran, parents
are arriving to pick up their children for summer
vacation. But long after the other children have
left with their families, 8-year-old Mohammad (Mohsen
Ramezani) is still waiting for his father to show.
Mohammad contentedly passes the hours exploring
the fertile spring earth at the perimeter of the
school grounds. Underneath the damp leaves, he discovers
a helpless baby bird. He uses his extraordinary
sense of hearing to locate the mother bird's nest
and returns the bird to the safety of its home.
Just then, his father Hashem (Hossein Mahjub),
a widowed coal worker, finally arrives, only to
ask one of the teachers if his child could be allowed
to stay at the school permanently. Turned down,
he begrudgingly agrees to take Mohammad on the journey
to their home in the heights of northern Iran.
The landscapes they pass through are harsh,
but verdant and spectacular, overwhelming the boy's
senses, who is naturally attuned to his surroundings.
But this splendor and Mohammad's joy in it, makes
no impression on his gloomy father. If anything,
it increases his melancholy. The bitter Hashem sees
Mohammad as nothing but a burden. For all the adoration
Mohammad feels for the world, his father feels equal
contempt for the "bad hand" he's been
dealt in life.
Arriving at the family farm, Mohammad is
lovingly greeted by his two happy-go-lucky sisters
and beloved Granny (Salime Feizi). He is delighted
to be in the embrace of his family in this beautiful
setting. The days are spent almost in slow-motion,
at one with nature, where Mohammad and Granny seem
most at home. They are happy to simply collect eggs
from the chicken coop, pick wildflowers in the lush
fields and listen to the songs of the many species
of birds that make the farm their home. It seems
Mohammad and Granny have a spiritual connection.
Mohammad, who believes what he feels rather than
what he sees, tells his weathered Granny "Your
hands are soft and beautiful."
But little Mohammad's peace is threatened
when his spiritually blind father fears that the
boy will be an obstacle to his hopes to marry a
beautiful young woman from a strict Islamic family.
Hashem follows through on his selfish plan to ship
the boy off to live in another area of the country
where he is to become an apprentice to a blind carpenter.
At first Mohammad is devastated to be away
from his family and fearful that no one will ever
love him because of his blindness. But gradually
Mohammad adapts to his new environment. In addition
to learning woodworking, he also learns spiritual
lessons from his mentor, professing "God is
not visible. He is everywhere, you can feel him.
You can see with your hands."
But back at the farm, tensions between
Granny and Mohammad's father are rising and eventually
Granny falls ill. Mohammad's father's plans for
remarriage are disrupted and he is forced to face
his responsibility to his son. But is it too late?
Will Hashem act in time to see that his son has
truly been touched by the hand of God?
|
brother and sisters
 the
desired bride
"I'm not worried about
your son, I'm worried about you, his father"
 
I delighted in several of the enthusiastic
"User Comments"
"I've
rarely been touched so deeply", &"The
single most compelling film I've ever seen"
In
Wikipedia: "Mohammad
says God doesn’t love him and thus made him
blind but the carpenter ... tells him to try and
f e e l God.
|
|
It is strange, that I cannot remember, why
"on earth" did I put "paradise" in Godchannel's
Navigator,
even before I searched for the English site of the movie on the
Internet?
What connection did I intuit? Only the strong influence of "The
Mother" in these 3 films?
Rage at the Will
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
GodChannel
Forum: Deity Pages: Mother: Rage at the Will
(I don't think this link will work)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
By Damon on Wednesday, November 08, 2000 -
04:39 pm:
Mother-Mother Gap
I do not know if it is appropriate for me to post here,
but what the hell, I am getting used to being called to the Mat.
I try not to judge anything as Right or Wrong
and I have been doing my best to heed my own advice in defending
one over another.
The Channelers have felt this Thread to be very important
and I have had a major revelation on this Thread as well.
I am unsure about many things, and one in particular is the one
I would like to express now.
I do not feel the Pain and Heartbreak that some of the Will polarized
beings here have,
I have not felt the crushing compression and suffocation that
some of the Will polarized beings here do feel, and live with.
I do not feel the Terror and fear that some of the Will polarized
beings here do,
and have never really felt any of the above for any extended period
of time in my Life that I can recall now.
But I desperately wish to heal, and have dedicated my
Life to it.
I am unsure about this.
When the Will Polarity here expresses to each other,
who are also predominately Will Polarized,
their true feelings and responses to Triggers,
the response they receive from each other
is not nearly as Vehement as it would be
if I were to expressed my true feelings in response to Triggers,
unless the Will Polarized being happens to sound or express like
Spirit.
Notice the Triggers
that Christa-Rachel brought and received
when she opened into the Forum with a Bent towards Spirit~~~
she has not posted
since the members who were more Triggered by her expressions,
responded back to her.
Maybe she has been busy, or maybe her situation has not provided
the opportunity to post lately.
I know it has been Lopsided to say the least with the Polarities,
with Spirit always seeming to have the upper hand.
I accept that as Truth
and have made great changes and progress with my own Polarities,
to bring it into more Balance.
But I feel that I should still 'Bite my Lip' many times with my
own Triggers towards some of the members here,
and do not feel as though I have the Right to Rage at the Will
Polarity, or the acceptance of space here to do that.
I do get Frustrated with some of you, I do get Triggered
by some of you,
I do get very Angry with some of you, I do feel like Raging at
some of you~~~
but rarely do, as I feel I should be a Whipped Boy Toy Only.
I feel that some of you want me to open up more
and show you how I truly feel about the Will,
and have said this much to me.
It was said that it would help some feel more Trusting to know
what my Rage is towards the Will,
and how deep it goes and what it looks like.
I wish to Honor that Request here in this Forum
instead of feeling like I have to 'Bite My Tongue' and
not express my feelings.
I have Rage, maybe not as much as some feel I do towards the
Will,
but I do find I hold Rage towards the Will when Triggered,
and wish to express that here.
I would like to know how the other members feel about
this,
and my desire to express more freely my own Rage of the Will..
Love
Damon
By Luana on Wednesday, November 08, 2000 -
05:59 pm:
Dear Damon
I can take like a Man
and just like a woman
so Ill have a heapen helpen
PLEASE
cause I know how much
that You Love Me now too
Lu Lu
By Helen Back on Wednesday, November 08, 2000 -
06:06 pm:
Damon,
I am soooo glad that you asked....thank you.
I can take it and I want to.
If it is done in love,
we can all really heal from it.
Some days I feel stronger than others, and cant gaurantee my
reactions at all times,
but~~~I have love for you and me and really want us to
heal,
so~~~please please please dont hold back.
Not at all. Not by any means.
I want what you say to vibrate within me
and am just so glad that you are willing to give into this part
of yourself.
Love,
Sumre Star
By Scot on Wednesday, November 08, 2000 - 07:52
pm:
Dear Damon,
Express on, dear brother, express free.
I feel spontaneous emotional expression is how we learn.
Just release those judgements, as you have been encouraging us
to do,
and let these more will parts of youself express.
If it is real and your intention is for healing and growth as
I know it is,
then all will be fine, no matter what triggers may arise.
I can tell you I too have had at times felt held back in expressing
some of my rage triggers here.
Relating as heart, I have felt rage towards spirit will and body,
as well as heart essence.
Often I have vibrated them in my own space, as sounds and with
words,
and this may be what you need do first.
But when I was ready it felt so good to let it fly here
! Liberating!
And I find ways to do it where I am owning it as best I can, and
not attacking others.
Cuz in the end I usually find I am really angry at or
hating some part of myself!
Real rage, as we know, has been some of the most denied
essence in creation,
and that is why it is so vital to help our lost will holding rage
to move into unconditional loving acceptance now.
In such light our Desire essence is then free to manifest a new
and more fulfilling experience.
I believe in you, Damon,
and trust you will do as right for you when you are ready.
We all need each other to be as real as possible.
This is our gift of love.
Scot
By Mischelle on Wednesday, November 08, 2000 - 09:20
pm:
Damon, I also would be interested in what you have inside of you
to share with us.
In my experiance in life with men
I have had littlel experience with them sharing themselves
emotionaly and honestly
and would feel, don't even have words to explain how i would feel,
just grateful I guess.
It takes a lot of trust.mischelle
By NikkiRose on Thursday, November 09, 2000
- 12:44 am:
Damon,
Rage on please.
NikkiRose
By Yogimamma on Thursday, November 09, 2000
- 02:17 am:
How many times have I asked for this with my husband?
I know there is Rage in him and I want to hear it!
Thanks Damon!
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 -
12:58 pm:
Dear Damon,
A while back I had the distinct impression that
you were raging at me.
I distinctly felt that you had been triggered by something specific
I had said.
I have thought several times to mention this to you since then,
but haven't really wanted to.
While you (or what I felt as you) were raging I had the distinct
impression
that something like a light body (or hologram? It felt very rigid
. . .) merged with my body -- encased it like armor.
It felt odd and strange to me and unfamiliar, but I liked it.
If it was you raging at me there, I wish to thank
you :)
Clarity
By Damon on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 03:15
pm:
Clarity
Yes I did Rage at you a few weeks back as I was
Triggered by you,
but tried to 'Bite my Lip' and smooth out the rough edges.
You felt it anyway, who was I kidding.
Love Damon
By Damon on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 04:25
pm:
When I have time to post I will take advantage of it, because
there will be days when I can not.
So if you folks have seen a lot of Posts from me lately, it is
because I have time to.
Rage At Will
Since I am not Triggered right now
I felt that this may be a good time to express my rage of the
Will,
as I can do it in a Loving way
( Thanks for the reminder Scot).
I am going to ask my Rage to express itself to the Parental part
of us., Me,
and then I will try to express
what my Rage feels like, looks like and sounds like towards the
Will,
but coming from a Loving Parental Part.
When I am Triggered
I can honestly say
it comes from the Will Polarity more than the other Polarities,
and as far as I can remember it has always been that way.
To say that Women give me more Triggers then Men would be True,
and another Derivative of how the different Polarities bring out
Triggers in me.
For the most part my experiences with Women have been Favorable,
many would say Too Favorable
and mostly one-sided,
as I have known many women, few as friends.
So I had to ask myself why I felt the way I did about Women
if I have had mainly pleasant experiences,
with my own needs being fulfilled more than theirs,
I should have been happy with that
as many would have Denied themselves for what they felt
would make me Happy.
I felt the way I did about the Will
because I came into this Incarnation with that Denial.
The Toll Road of Denial is a long one and we have been on a very
Long Road Trip.
The Rage I get when Triggered By Women has always been the same,
And this is what I have asked my Rage part to tell me~~~
.what is it that Rage feels about the Will and would like to say
to the Will now?
Here it is, no holding back and Gloves Off.
I am going to let my Rage express itself
but want all to know there is my Parental Love Guiding it,
and the feelings that my Rage is expressing here now are mainly
Healed at this point,
but still have some ways to go,
and it is only my Rage that feels this way.
" How dare you speak back to me with your own opinion which
would challenge mine,
you know nothing, how could you ever presume to give Me advice.
I will ask you if I need your Feeble emotional two scents worth
of advice.
I will Honor you only when you are Honoring me,
and my Honor to you will be only in the fact that you Adore and
Admire what a Genius I am.
I need you there in close range, but not to close that you smother
me,
but close enough to come at my beckon call.
Your affections are desired by me
when I wish for Sex or to be held when I have fallen.
I do need you but want you to be the 'Cook in the kitchen, the
Tart in the Bedroom, and the Lady on the Town'
and always looking up to me as your King.
If you do not accept me and Love me, regardless of whether I
reciprocate,
I will move you away and Forget about you,
because you will have no more reason to hold my interest in you.
I am always Right remember that,
and anything that you Create is Cute only,
and I will give you a Pat on the Head and tell you Good Girl,
but please leave me for now as I have much more important things
to Build.
Also I will always remain in control over you in some
way,
whether you recognize this or not,
because by having control over you,
you will no longer be able to Hurt me,
or force me to feel Pain.
You hold the Pain !! "
I would like to thank my Rage for its contribution here,
and give him a Big Loving Embrace.
This is all for now Folks~~~and Holly Christ All Mighty,
Rage is nothing more than a little Baby looking for Acceptance
and Love from the Will,
and if he doesn't get it he Denies it.
Love
Damon
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 04:44
pm:
Gee, Damon, that is so shocking to me that you
feel this way.
That isn't what I was getting from you at all.
I did feel you holding back in giving me all of your rage,
but I didn't feel that this was the message you were giving me
at all.
But, you did say that this rage is mostly healed?
So maybe you've moved on to a different level of raging?
I thought you were angry at me for suggesting
that spirit was to blame for lack of spirit presence in body.
I thought you were angry
because how can spirit ever get into body when will won't open
to Him?
And instead endlessly blames and blames and blames spirit for
all of her woes . . .
By Yogimamma on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:04
pm:
Damon, I am crying tears of relief to hear all this
because I have felt this Nameless Dread of all that I was feeling
in my relationships with men in my life.
You put words to what I have felt from my husband, from every
man in my life.
I couldn't explain how it felt to me, only could I cry myself
to sleep with aching Heart.
I would forget the Pain of it and be walking around wondering
what hit me?
Why do I feel like a piece of shit when I love this man and he
loves me so?
Why do I get shoved away and pulled to him and shoved away again?
What am I supposed to do? What went wrong here?
A s I read these words I was crying and laughing because I know
this.
I know its true.
And I want to show it to my husband~~~
but I am afraid that he will say No, I don't feel this way about
you.
Because I'll know it is Denial of ME all over again.
I am shaking and crying and feeling my throat choking as I write
this to you.
I can't stop crying.
I feel my Rage is stuck in my throat.
By Damon on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:08
pm:
Clarity
Your absolutely right, much of my Rage is healed towards the Will,
but still wanted everyone to know what it sounded like and felt
like at one point, my most Denied point of this lifetime.
My Rage towards you a few weeks ago would have felt much different
as it has Healed a great deal over the years,
and you are right again in how I felt in my Rage towards you.
I also feel much more openess and warmth from you,
and you feel like a new person to me since the first time we spoke.
Wow.
Love
Damon
By Luana on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:08
pm:
Damon
I dont mean to throw You a curve ball here
and
I am sure that other parts of me will have something compleetly
different to say
However
This is what I would like to say to You now
My beloved Darling
I have waited all of my existance to hear
you say this in full conciousness
I am so into You
that I cant even think about other men
When suters come to my door
to beg me for my affection
I look at there half councious faces
and I think to myself
"Excause me handsome but is Your name Damon?
if not
than will You please get out of My face"
Damon You make everything below my waste vibrate
and throb
and I never even hope to meet You in person
Thank God
because I would faint in Your arms
or even in Your gaze
You are My dream man
I am happy to wait in the wings
and worship You from afar
hopeing that You might someday
flip even a small booger of love in My direction
You are The hope for my exeitance and
I am hopeless devoted to You
I love You so much
I would marrie Your Grand Father
just to be in Your family
Luana
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:22
pm:
Damon, I once said that you reminded me of a guy I dated who
wasn't my 'thing'.
But, you know, the way I'm feeling right now ~~~ I have to agree
with Luana!
By Damon on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:28
pm:
Good Gravy......why didn't I do this when I was Single !
I Love you all back the Same.
Damon
By Luana on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:40
pm:
Hey Clarity
Work Your own side of the street
I saw Him first
Humor (and the oposite )Rules!!
I love it that You are diggen Me
It just feels so much better to be understood
and accepted
as I have been so rejected and hated all my life
I can get that anywhere
Thank You Clarity for this little place of self
love
I will keep it in a place of honor
right here in my Loven Heart
Luana
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 05:49
pm:
Ouch! Luana, I didn't know this wouldn't be funny to you . .
.
By Luana on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 06:18
pm:
Dear Clarity
Ouch????
I am searching and serching
to see how You could have possibly
felt pain from My loveing post
maybe you can explain some time
but if You want to rage at me
please do it in email
thanks
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 06:24
pm:
Hey Luana, I almost added that maybe what I
felt didn't come from You, but from the Gap between us.
Maybe someone else wasn't amused by what I said?
But I thought that I'd like to know from you what was really happening
with you, there ~~~
Thanks for getting back with me.
I'm not feeling angry at all towards you, I feel hurt and a little
nervous and scared, but I'm so glad you're talking to me!
:)
By Clarity on Thursday, November 09, 2000 - 06:29
pm:
Luana, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed
right now and need a break from this computer.
I'll be back later tonight if you want to talk
(although I'm not sure about what, since I don't feel there's
any problems between us ~~~ maybe to trade jokes?).
Later, Love,
Clarity
By Mischelle on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 12:24
am:
God this feels so familiar,
the unexcepting reflection i have gotten from most of the men
in my life, even the ones i didn't sleep with.
Don't out-wit me, no fucking jokes at my exspense or any of my
friends for that matter.
keep your fucking mouth shut for no one cares what you think
and defanatly no one wants to even get a glims of how you feel,
unless it makes me look good.
Don't you dare out shine me You stupid bitch.
And don't ever make a fool of me or you are cut off of my love.
And if they would be so honest it would bw easier to stand up
for myself,
but these reflections are so subtile and manipulative, a
nd come in forms that keep me doubting myself
and make it so hard to beleave i can actually trust myself
for i already don't trust myself.
and that fear of rejection and the judgments i am trapped in and
all of this self hate is killing me.
And if men could at least get to this point of honesty,
they don't even have to get to the honesty of how much they hate
themselves
and how fucking insecure,needy,and weak THEY are.
And how THEY suck MY personal power and I give it.
Thanks Damon I needed that.
I am going to go do some judgment release
your wife is a lucky women.
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 01:31
pm:
Mischelle, what you are talking about here is
sooo familiar to me.
When I was a teenager I used to hang out with my brother and his
friends.
I liked to party with them.
They almost never had a kind word for the "whores" they
fucked.
Used 'em and abused 'em.
I never really had much of a problem with all of the loveless
sex going on around me.
I never partook in it.
Just hung out and partied with the guys.
Most of the girls they were fucking were pretty nice to me, though.
I really loved all of those guys.
They were so good to me.
But, you know, one night I learned something very interesting.
One night my brother's girlfriend got fed up with all the talk
about "I'd like to fuck her" and whatnot
and she started going on about how she'd like to fuck this guy
or that guy
and how much he gets her juices flowing and whatnot and I joined
in the fun. And
WHOA!!!!
I had no IDEA how weak and insecure these guys
were.
I mean, I knew their vulnerable hearts and loved them for it,
but I just didn't know how triggering a little "girl talk"
would be for them.
The guy driving the car actually pulled over and screamed at us
to shut up or get out.
He was shaking so bad.
I was particularly fond of him, too.
He was extraordinarily beautiful and sensual and sexual and sweet.
But a real jackass to the whores he fucked.
And you know, I think he liked it "both
ways" if you know what I mean.
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 02:45
pm:
Oh -- and, hey -- to clarify:
"whore" was THEIR word, not mine.
I was quite fond of almost all of those little girls and passed
no judgments on their sexual activities . . .
By Luana on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 03:13 pm:
Clarity
I dont think thies girls were "whores"
I think they were part of
The Fairy clan
known as "The Huchies"
Huchies are very rage polorized
but usually have Hearts of Gold
Huchies are Whore wanna bees
I have a special thing about The Huchies
and study them closely and love them alot
just wanted to clear this up
Love ya --HuchieMomma
By Mischelle on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 05:24
pm:
wow, i always was pretty judgmental of the
"whores".
My boyfriend and all of his friends wanted to fuck her and it
drove me crazy.
I was always nice to them (her) thou.
Now i see that i was just jealous that she was being true to her
desire to be sexualy desired.
I couldn't of handeled being called a whore.
I protected myself because i was so worried about what everyone
was thinking of me.
It was a big problem for me.
I could never be true to what i realy wanted to to because i was
so worried about my self image.
Yes all the guys respected me on the out side also.
but when it realy came down to it,
if you crossed them you were out. undeserving of there attension,
you were just a bitch.
So i missed out on the sexual attension for a faulse sense of
self worth,
and just kept myself locked in my judgment's of what was acceptabel
and worthy and desirabel,
I mean the whores were just good for sex and anybody could do
that right.
Yes i made myself feel Better then them and stayed locked into
my bulshit judgments.
Now i like it that i can be honest about my sexuality.
I for the most part have been in long term "relationships"
trying to bee a good girl.
And my fucking sex life sucked shit.
I hate my pussy so much i can't belive it.
I think it is the ugliest thing i have ever seen in my life and
hate showing it to men.
I think everyone ealses is nice and pretty,
Pussy actualy turns me on more then anything as long as it is
not mine.
Now what i like is a nice hard cock. that is what i like.
and it is nice to be abel to start to like my pussy for that matter.
anyways i don't know if this will get posted and not sure what
the hell was triggered in me but fuck it.
I love my dirty mouth and am working on getting my mind to match
it. Yours truly hoocie mischelle
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 05:48
pm:
Yeah, all of those guys did want to fuck
me~~~
well, no, they didn't want to FUCK me, they wanted to love me.
Hell, they DID love me and would have liked for that to move into
having sex with me,
but there were all of those fucking little fairies dancing around
them that they had to try to satisfy first . . .
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:15
pm:
Mischelle, your post is making me think
about how I've always wanted to fuck women.
Not lesbian sex -- that's SUCH a turn off ~~~ but as a man.
I've always had a very masculine sexual desire for women~~~until
recently.
Thank God!! It seems that this innappropriate mixing of essence
has finally been straightened out for me . . .
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:18
pm:
Oh -- to avoid confusion -- I've always wanted
men too, there was just some funky business mixed in there! That's
all.
By Mischelle on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:25
pm:
ahh Clarity, I was just about to turn off my
computer. I am not sure i know what you mean.
I don't want to have sex with women thou.
There bodies turn me on.
When i have watched porno's in the past i think that there breasts
bouncing and all of there bodies just arouse me.
I have had a 3 some with a coupel thou.
My mouth got me in troubel and i felt like i had to back it up,
pluse a bottel of wine maybe 2 bottels later and there we were.
didn't do much for me on the women side.
but when i was a child i always played with my girlfriends.
up untill, what the 5th grade. yes and maybe once when i was 13.
I am not sure why but it defanatly aroused me when i was younger.
I am sure there are numorous possibilities. who knows.
Safer with girls or maybe they didn't mind and the boys weren't
interested in me who knows. But what do you mean?
Like you would like a strap on or something. I realy don't like
plastic. I need the real thing thanks anyways.
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:49
pm:
Oh no, no, no, Mischelle!!!! I wanted
to BE the REAL THING!!!! I wanted to BE a MAN so I could FUCK
WOMEN!!!!
It was always an uncomfortable feeling, though,
and I am relieved that it is no longer with me and is instead
(I'm assuming) in its RIGHT PLACE.
By Mischelle on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:49
pm:
Clarity, here we are again.
I am sorry for my, shit what am i doing? Projection?
I am not sure but it isn't feeling good.
It was, but to be honest to you I don't want to run around this
forum trying to one-up you.
And that is what i am doing.
so I release the judgment that clarity is better then me, I release
the judgement that clarity is better then me. over and over
I release the judgment i am better than clarity, over and over.
I am sorry for getting into this compittision mode with you.
Thanks for the triggers. Mischelle
By Clarity on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 06:52
pm:
Wow, Mischelle, thanks. That means so much to me . . .
By Yogimamma on Friday, November 10, 2000 - 07:45
pm:
My Heart is so pained now, I can barely write this to you.
Maybe you can send some Love my way,
and when I'm able I will share with you my Heartache that burns
inside me.
Maybe there's some more Rage at Will that is not being expressed
to me,
mabe He is Perfect and has it all Figured out.
(big HAAAA)I don't have the energy to write.
This is not directly to you, Damon, but rather My Man,
and whatever his Polarity is.
I asked God to take some of this Pain, it seemed to help somewhat..
Thanks for being here.
Love you all, Cathy (sorry if this is posted more than once, it
seems to not be going through)
By Luana on Saturday,
November 11, 2000 - 02:01 am:
Dear Cathy
You are welcome to come
and spend the winter
here in the ozarks with me and the mule skinner and the animals
The mule dude owns a whole section of land
900 acres in fact
a whole Mountain called Mt. Gaylor
wouldnt that be a hoot?
The mule skinner
is really takeing this RUOW book thingie
dead serious
He stopped by tonight about dark
and of course
I had the apple pie cooling
and the fryed chicken
and candles and all
like a slobbering fool
after the tasty dinner
he whipes out Blue
and proceeded to read 3 chapters to me
and even burst out in tears
3 times
I was a mess my Heart pounding out of my chest
and than he told me
He was going to the cabin to feed the mules
and birds
and spend the week end reading Blue
there he was this total redneck beast
useing words like Manifestation, and denial
and essence
and he was all goen
( when reefering to God)
"Oh yeah, I love it when HE said...."
he said he would be back to get me on monday
and Oh My God
he picked me up off the bench
and kissed me like with a little bit of tounge even
Of course I went all stupid
This N.W.arkansas is saposed to be one of the
safest places to survive the earth changes if thats what You have
a hankeren to do
Whats he gonna do kick us out?
if he trys to give us a hard time
well get Carolyn and Pink Flower and michelle and Nikki to open
up an can of whoop ass on him while Julie dazzels him
so Susan and Judith can sweeten him up
than you get him all twisted up
in some yogi position
and Ill drop a net on him
than well get Sumre to sing him to sleep
so that The Forum Administrater can reason with him from the second
attention
is that a plan or what?
Im sorry honey
I know all about the kind of pain that
You cant even discribe
God will comfort You
and He will figure out some kinda way
to unbreak Your Heart
Lu
By Yogimamma on Saturday, November 11, 2000 - 04:47
pm:
Luana,
Thanks for this letter. I'm feeling like Eeyore, Thanks for noticing
me..
I had an image of sailing around the world picking up Mother parts
:)
Now, how would I sail inland?
Figure out a way.. I've been reading oldposts to make more sense
of all the dymanics here.
I came across the talk about Mother band, and I want to let you
know that I play drums!.
I feel feeble at the moment, tired and weighted.
I laughed reading your post again, as I often do,
laughing, crying, heart stopping, bursting out, loveing you being
here.
I haven't felt myself rage at you, I'm busy raging at my Man.
Well give it time, but I'm not afraid. I have deep love for you.
Have you heard these words before?
"When I look at how you look at me and love me,
I worry that you would love me so much more than everyone else.
I love everyone."
Do you love me as much as you love everyone?
"Yes"
Why are you with me? Why are you working so hard (leaving your
body and mother in neglect)?
"For our daugter, I wouldn't be here with you if it weren't
for her.
If it weren't for you two I might have left this world already.
Somehow. I ask myself all the time why I am here working my ass
off for you when I already know everything.
I want to take her to see the World, even though it's right here.
It's weird to see religions and philosophy try to teach people
how to think like I do, be like me."
So what would you do? Ascend? To where to what? What would you
Be then?
"Oh just Be, there are no words to just Being."
But where is the Mother in that?
Just leave Her, Me behind?
Oh you must be some Heart.
"What does that mean? That's good isn't it?".
He thinks I'm cute struggling to absorb all this new information,
he says it's not new, he knows it, he doesn't need to study.
He doesn't know JACK.
He doesn't know the Mother is suffering,
even as he looks at me and hears me cry myself to sleep.
We hit the Gap again.
He doesn't know what it is.
He wants me to explain it.
I told him we hit the Gap BAD before..
We talked about me being with another Man.
Losing his best friend and wife at the same time.
I loved them both. I wanted to be with them both and togehter.
I was in the middle of a tug of war.
He wanted us to be open.
He wanted to be able to love other women.
(He loves everyone the same)
I wanted to learn this trust to trust our love.
To be confident.
But when I was with the Other
he couldn't breathe, couldn't sleep, couldn't work, couldn't eat.
We couldn't be honest with each other, too much Fear.
We couldn't share together.
He said it was the Lies, he forgot that he needed me.
It nearly killed My Heart, maybe it was Some Heart that was killed
inside me.
I chose to be with my Daughter, to be with her Father.
I healed myself alone, bit, by bit (still healing, endless healing)
He saw me struggle and said he knew he helped me more
by not helping me.
Now, I feel him moving away from me into
Ahrimanic Land saving everyone else.
He comes home. I feed him, I hold the Home,
I wash his wounds, rub his back, clean his house, his clothes,
take care of our finances.
I take care of our Daughter, (her heart saves me)
I am always here for him, I Love Him.
I say, I thought you need me.
He says he doesn't need me.
He starts to tell me how people would hang on his words,
want to know the answers and he saw how they looked at him.
He didn't want to be the one with the answers
(I Thought he sounds like the Relcutant Messaiah Bastard)
then he stops and won't say another word.
He says he shouldn't have talked, he hurt me,
he nevers talks about what he's thinking because this happens.
I say, I want to know,
I feel all this bullshit and don't know where it's coming from.
I hurt myself,
you know already, you're not Responsible for how I Feel.
My tears well up and he holds me and apoligizes,
how awful it is for People to hear in a relationship
that they are loved the same as everyone else,
how awful to be told you're not needed.
He says he shouldn't talk.
I cry and cry and cry, my Heart hurts for all the Hurts ever hurting.
He holds me and his fingers burn me straight to my heart,
he says how beautiful I am when I cry,
he loves me he really does love me
(like everyone--I hear this everytime he says it now)
I cry until I can't cry anymore
and he doses off, waking here and there when he hears me,
What's wrong honey?.
He can sleep through my most awful anguish.
I can't cry freely anymore, don't want to
wake my daughter.
I can't handle his sleeping sounds.
I can't handle his burning hands anymore,
his leg reaching out to keep touch on me as I scoot away.
So I get up and cry alone, my heart split open.
I cry out for God to take my pain,
take this piece of the mother, Joonnar? callme? and Joonnar calls,,
I know that God does hear me when I need him.
We have 5 minutes to talk (cry),
phonecard is up and he his on his way.
My heart is still gaping wounded open..
I'm hanging on to it to not deny one bit of it.
I couldn't put it to words til now, and I didn't mean for it to
happen now.
I'm not sure if this is where it belongs.
Sorry elves, move it where it needs to go.
Last night in my bath I practiced meeting the Source,
I've never been able to make it past the path.
But I got closer last night.
I felt God's Light on my shoulders.
I even felt a flicker of Love back for my Man last night, and
again this morning.
OH, I know, I'll love him as much as my heart is aching at this
moment.
Love you Lu, thanks for Hearing me, and Noticing,
thanks to all of you, Mischelle especially you.
Loved seeing your mail in my box.. :)I know you Hear me too.
By Luana on Saturday, November 11, 2000 - 08:01
pm:
What ?? all that
AND You play the drums too?
I have a full trap set in the attic of My X,
shit head of a husbands house
with zilgen symbols and all
I also have bongos and congos here with Me
and of cource the mule skinner makes drums
out of dead animals and trees...(grimous)
Oh honey
where do I begin to unbreak your Heart
in this area of relationships formed origionaly in a state of
denial
and in advance of the experiance of takeing in the healing revelations
given to us in the RUOW books
Your experiance with your boyfriend in bed
is a reinactment of what happened
between Our Parents so long ago
("THE FIGHT") page
196 in YELLOW
but really it more seems like God is helping
by provideing you with experiance and guideing You thru this
so that You might finally come to understand
that He does not want US involved in thies bogus relationships
right now
probably because of a time factor
For like the old testament says
"God is a jealous God"
and he wants us all to Himself right now
till He can screw our heads on tite enough
that we some day WILL be ready to form REAL parental relationships
for once in our LIVES I might add
Isnt That totally Sexy of Him??
I had this 7 year long relationship with this
movie star looken cowboy
at first I was obsessed and content to be his little fool (surrogate
Will)
but that shit gets real old real fast
does it not?
this fucken looser used to
come into my face and purposefully denie me
in just the ways he knew I would be triggered
just so I would go off on him in RUOW terms
so he could pick up a few big words
and consepts
so He could receite all thies garbled half baked concepts back
to His Huchie Fairies
ao he would look smart
so he could get layed
but he finally pissed God off to his limits
so he had to go
and I cryed for a year streight after that
that was 2 years ago
and now if I happen to see him
when I am out
I pull my gowgirl hat down over my eyes
and exersize my ability to dematerilize
I wasnt kidden about You comeing here for the
winter
if you feel it would be helpful
to blaze out of the arms of guilts grasp
You can even have the mule skinner
cause really I am just waiting around for My X shit head of a
husbands change of Heart
Cathy I dont mean to seem cold
but
In the imortal words of the
Jerry Springer show audiance
"Dump that zero
and get You a hero"
(RUOW Man)
did this help
or am I just talken to hear my head rattle?
I love My Nimble Fairy Cathy kitty
Luana
By Luana on Sunday, November 12, 2000 - 06:39 pm:
Cathy
Did I sound insensitive and bitter?
I know that You love this man
The Father Of Your Child
more than love has ever been measured
and God Will make sure that
He is there
in our future paradise home
and some day all of the wounds of this life (thies tragic lives)
will finally be healed
and there will be laughter
and There will be joy filled reunions
I watch... I wait
but how much can My/Our broken Heart take
waiteing for the miracles to come?
Luana
By Yogimamma on Sunday, November 12, 2000 - 06:57
pm:
Oh Luana,
I just wrote you the longest letter ever and I lost it all.,
DAmnit was good too..
hmmm
maybe i can find it again.
One thing I'll say quick before I go back to
what I was saying.
I didn't take you that way at all.
I haven't given you the full picture of my feelings for him.
You are right about how much I love him.
I picked him to Father my Child.
She helped,, whispering in my ear,, he's the one.
It was good reading while I was steaming about
him.
I would love to visit you.
We'll see how it's going.
I wonder myself how much Heart break I can handle.
But I seem to keep surviving it.
So do you!
Love you lots,,
Your Kitty
By Yogimamma on Sunday, November 12, 2000 - 07:32
pm:
It went something like this,,
He's the best man I've ever known or been with.
Only he can trigger my Hurt like that, because I gave him my open
Heart.
He's scared of that.
But he didn't run like most men.
I thank him for triggering me into my Pain, makes me feel alive
helps me Heal the Mother in Me.
He's the only person I can live with besides my Daughter.
He's taught me a lot about Body.
He's shown me what Body loves to do.
He takes me Real no-frills camping, snowboarding, biking, rollerblading.
He teaches me to learn from Fear.
He encouraged me to love myself, to learn to make love to myself.
He loves me free and strong.
Even though I know now he's scared I'll love someone else and
turn my attention away.
I know he needs me. Even if he can't admit it.
And I admit, I love to give him what he doesn't expect.
He would cook and clean for me, but then what would there be left
of him to play with?
He'd fall in a heap on the floor.
I hold what he can't while he keeps working at
his job.
Sometimes I feel that he is Body,
trying to learn more about Father so he can learn to love him
again.
Maybe he learns too well.
I know he loves me loving him the way I do.
I have a lot to give.
Maybe that's why he's kissing me and looking at me like he fell
in love with me again since our Fight.
(Wait til the next MomBomb I drop on him tonight)
He tells me I love you way more often, asks me if I know he loves
me.
(I still hear him say he loves everyone but it gets easier as
I go)
I'm trying to accept him however he loves me.
Even if it hurts my heart.
He doesn't like me as much when I need him,
but I don't like needing him either so it works out fine.
He gives me good relfections to kick my own ass when I'm slacking
on my self work.
He taught me to Love my body, and not be ashamed of it.
He taught me not to cover myself as I walk naked.
We make love with the lights on so we
can see every thing.
He's the best lover I've even dreamed
of.
He kisses and loves every nook and cranny and flaw.
I feel very beautiful when he looks at me.
He waits for me and pleases me first always.
He looks in my eyes.
He is a Wonderful Father for my Child.
We picked him out before I fell in love with him.
(she used to linger near me, whispering in my heart)
I knew after 3 months of knowing him.
He would be there for her no matter what happened with us.
I knew that I could leave her with him anytime and not Fear for
her.
I never ever worry about her in his hands.
He really is a good man with a lot to learn..
maybe some day he will get so curious he has to read the
books.
Maybe he'll realize that's the only way he'll truly know me.
I love him best when he's not working.
But because he is working, I don't have to.
I get to teach yoga and practice yoga and play with my girl all
day.
I get to work on healing Me and the Mother.
That might be more than you want to know..
But maybe I can give a little hope from this sad story.
Like all this work , it's a mixed bag.
Love you
Cat
By Clarity on Friday, April 27, 2001 - 04:32
pm:
Oh my God, I just re-read this thread and I don't know what to
say . . . this is . . . it hurts, it heals, ohhh . .
2009_01_31
It is indeed fascinating to follow the thread from Damon's letter
to the end.
I'm glad, the thread ended with Yogamamma's (Cat's) appreciation
for her man.
And I enjoyed remembering all the participants in the Godchannel
Forum, while it lasted (for one year, I think).
Searching for Damon Toth, and finding several persons with this
name, I wonder, if this is him:
LIBRARY
OF ARTICLES
GREAT ASCENSION EXPLANATION
by Damon Toth
I would like to share some other information
with you
regarding what is happening right now on our planet.
At this time all the atoms that make up our earth reality are
vibrating faster and faster,
which means things are speeding up.
This is all in accordance with the plan of the fifth world coming
to earth,
or heaven coming to earth,
or whatever other name many are giving it.
What is happening now is very critical
as we are moving from a solid state to one of a gaseous state
as all atoms are vibrating faster and faster,
and when this happens many new potential realities are being formed.
What will happen soon is
that those who align with certain thought forms of reality
will find themselves together
and will then quickly create their collective reality,
as creating reality is happening very quickly now.
So if one is inclined to believe in certain beliefs structures
then very soon they will find themselves in that reality
along with all others who align with the same beliefs.
Heaven on earth is coming to this planet
but not for everyone,
only for those whose vibrations are sufficient to align with the
Godhead
that is being rolled out into our universe.
For all others who are not yet ready to make the choice to align
with this vibration
will create their own reality elsewhere
until such time as they choose to align themselves with heaven
on earth.
The choice that we have always been
making
is one of self acceptance,
the more we love ourselves
the faster and higher our vibration rate becomes.
The plan is to bring heaven to earth
and manifest it in Physical Bodies
as it has never been that way before.
The only way to experience heaven on earth is in a physical body,
and the only way to have and hold a physical body in this new
heaven on earth
is to raise one's body's vibration to the speed of light.
Once the person can do this
then they can at Will change their form from physical to spirit.
It are these people who will experience heaven on earth~~~
and again
the ONLY way to raise one's body to the speed of light or vibration
rate
is to accept all of their Feminine magnetic essence
which draws more light in to the physical body
until it vibrates at the speed of light.
At this time where we find ourselves drawn
to over the next year or so
will determine what reality we will find ourselves in.
For those who have a death wish
they will find themselves in a place where they can live that
out,
and for all others who will and are making a choice
will find themselves with like minded people
creating a reality that is in alignment with their own belief
structures.
Hint~~~
at this time there is no more useful and imperative a statement
than~~~
"where your attention goes your reality grows."
So ask yourself now and every day from this point on ~~~
what kind of world do you want to live in,
as you are creating it right now more than ever before,
and as the clock ticks ever so near
to the lifting and completion of these new realities that are
being formed now,
we will all find ourselves in that reality soon ~~~
for those who manage to hold onto their bodies
through all of this.
Most will loose their bodies
and will incarnate into these existing realities when the opportunity
presents itself for them.
Love,
Damon
Author: Damon Toth damon.m.toth@attcanada.net
WORDS FROM 'TWEEN
Another great explanation from our friend, Damon Toth.
Damon distills it to a simple comment we at 'tween resonate with
~~~
self-love and self-acceptance (forgiveness). Thank you, Damon
