How can I, Kayin, heal my pain?

Kayin&Hevel

Will I, Hevel, heal my victimhood?

 

Kayin&Hevel

Second Page

 

The brother's creative work bore fruit.
What more could be asked from them.
But they do more:
They take their fruit and GIVE from it.

Isn't this what gives me satisfaction
- and justification for my existence -
to create and to give what I create?

Yael and Arnon drew my path on my hill. Not at the same time, not at the same place. But each one offered her/his drawing to me. What would they have felt, if I wouldn't have looked at their work, leave alone appreciated it? "And YHWH had regard for Hevel and for his offering, and for Kayin and for his offering he had no regard."

 

Artists symbolized this by skewing the smoke from Kayin's offering,
like in the moving relief I discovered in a Church in Egypt, in 1982.
Hevel, unlike Kayin, piously folds his hands,
and Adam and Eve helplessly mourn.

The issue here is not God's injustice.
YHWH here fulfils only a function.
The function of the non-receiver.

Equipped with my Godchannel knowledge I would say:
YHWH is reflecting Kayin's own "hole in his wholeness",
his inability to accept himself as worthy, valuable, equal.

Therefore no reason is given for God's disregard.
Disregard from people is everybody's experience.
Everyone wants to give from what s/he creates,
and most people want to share what they know.

But how rarely is there one who wants to receive.
People even made an ideology of this
and most still believe in that cursed saying:
"Geben is seliger denn nehmen",
"Giving is more blessed than taking".

I never ever cry, I'm not a crier baby, but why, mum, do the tears flow by themselves? An apple I gave to Nurit, big and pretty and round, a flower I gave to Nurit, I gave everything.

I want to dance this children's song, which for ever makes me sob like hell

Nurit ate the apple, the flower she threw away, and she went to play with another child. I never ever cry, I'm not a crier baby, but why, mum, do the tears flow by themselves?

 

When Kayin or me, or everyone, is deeply wounded,
God adopts another function, that of the supporter,
as long as Kayin doesn't feel and judge,
that "I" need "to hide from your face".

"Why are you angry
and why is your face fallen?"

Such 'why' questions often imply a judgment:
"You have no reason or right to feel like that!"
But some of my recent students interpreted,
that God is letting Kayin know,
that he knows his pain and rage.

And that he tries to make Kayin aware of what is happening to him:
as if saying:
"Get to the bottom of your anger, what is behind it?"
or in Godchannel's language:
"What is the denial of yourself that attracted this trigger?
Be careful not to project the reason of your anger on Hevel."

The proof is the mysterious sentence,
mistranslated with such impertinence.

 

It is NOT written:
"If you do well, will you not be accepted?
And if you not do well, sin is crouching..."

The TEXT is:
"If you do well,
and if you don't do well,
sin at the door is crouching."

 

This is MY INTERPRETATION
adopted from a pupil 17 years ago,
before the first book of "Right Use of Will" appeared:


If you play the hero, as if you were not terribly hurt,
it might be a horrendous denial with dire consequences
for you and all your descendants.
But if you don't do well, i.e. don't control yourself,
you'll kill your brother,
which means you'll kill him and
"all who could have been his descendants until the end of the world,"
as Jewish tradition interprets the plural "bloods of your brother".

 

In other words,
Kayin is trapped.
Whatever his reaction will be,
the consequences will be dire.
This has been reality until now.

And without God's present information
about feelings, projections, judgments,
which enables us to find beneficial ways
to build Kayin's and Hevel's self-esteem,
I don't see, how this reality can change.

There is a last part to this sentence:
"and for you is its (sins) desire,
and you shall master it."

This is another version of what is said to the woman,
when she denied her responsibility
for having taken
from the tree of differentiation between good and evil:
"in sorrow shall you bring forth children
and your desire shall be for your husband,
and he shall master you." [Gn 3,16]


I never understood this mysterious wording.
until my daughter had an insight lately,
when we worked on "Feelings in the Bible"
in her Learning Community -

"I think it means,
that Kayin should not follow the easy way
of identifying with his pain and anger
and project it on Hevel in blaming rage,
but that he should "master his desire",
i.e. move it thoroughly, physically,
and then go to the bottom of it,
to the hole in his wholeness,
which created the trigger,
heal the hole
and become whole."